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Looking for girlfriend or boyfriend > Looking for a boyfriend > Girlfriend need constant reassurance

Girlfriend need constant reassurance

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I am this girl. I ask over and over if things are okay after a fight, make sure everyone is happy around me, and want to be reminded that I am loved. I always feel like I annoy people around me with my questions. Everyone knows a girl who always has to ask something "just to make sure. Whether it's a girlfriend, friend, or even if it's you here are some things you need to know so you can better understand the ones around you.

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SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: The Scientific Truth About Why You're Needy In Relationships

Stop Missing Dating Opportunities

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No matter who you are, dating can be a rough ordeal. We all try our best to be the most attractive version of ourselves, glossing over our faults and unpleasant memories, stressing whatever traits we think will win us brownie points with the person across the table.

But what if the feeling of wanting to get your date's approval never goes away? Yes, most people put on a bit of a facade as they're getting to know someone, but real intimacy starts to blossom when both people in an early relationship start letting each other in. If you find yourself writhing with stress a few months into a relationship, constantly feeling like you're going to be "found out," you may be struggling with a pervasive need for external approval.

Here, signs your need for approval is sabotaging your love life. The sentiment has a basis in social science, however. According to a study published in the Journal of Experimental Psychology , individuals with low self-esteem called LSEs tend to react to conflict in romantic relationships by self-sabotaging or nose-diving the situation. They start fights, becoming increasingly cold and critical of their partner, almost daring them to walk away because they assume this is inevitable.

In most of these cases, researchers found that LSEs were often so preoccupied with their volatile self-image that they misinterpreted positive affirmations from their partners. A person with low self-esteem and a deep need for approval, for instance, might hear their partner say, "I love you," but they'll find a way to rationalize the sentiment. They don't really love me, the mind of an LSE will conclude. They're mistaken , and I'll speed things along by provoking them.

Even if things in your dating life haven't gotten as dire as nose-diving a good thing, your need for approval can create a self-protective mask that's very difficult to remove. Remember that halting dance of white lies from the first few dates you went on? As your partner becomes more comfortable in a relationship with you, you'll start to watch as they relax and act like themselves. They'll stop fussing with their hair or outfit when you're around, and instead of taking you out to dinner, they might suggest a few nights sprawled on the couch with Netflix.

If you're even subconsciously afraid of rejection , and you find yourself needing constant approval from your partner, you may start to suppress your natural urges and desires in order to seem less "difficult. And things will snowball. In fact, a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology found a correlation between dishonesty and low self-esteem , specifically in romantic relationships between men and women.

Another study even linked low self-esteem to a toxic pattern of conflict and a demand for approval; in other words, if a person's self-image is volatile, they're likely to act out in ambivalent ways while trying to keep their partner around.

If you're approaching romantic relationships with a pervasive belief that you are not enough, you're going to attract particular sorts of people on dates. That's not to say that everyone interested in you will be manipulative , though that's definitely a risk.

Your need for approval might come off in the early stages of dating as extreme emotional intensity, and potential partners who can't define healthy boundaries might find themselves wrapped up in your insistent energy.

Before long, the two of you will have chased the high of romantic approval and attraction into a long-term relationship that neither of you have the skills to deepen and maintain. Keep in mind that if you have a deep need for external approval, you're probably not announcing it on first or second dates. On the contrary, you may be over compensating, or "playing games" in order to emotionally manipulate potential partners into staying interested.

Though socially acceptable as a way to play the field, this sort of tactic is at its core just a form of dishonesty, and that, of course, has no place in a healthy relationship. If you are entering the dating world with this particular type of emotional baggage, you will discover that it's extremely difficult to move past the "honeymoon" stage in any relationship. You'll feel the highs and lows of any relationship you manage to enter, and then as time progresses, you and your partner will begin to feel a chasm separating you.

After all, even if your partner doesn't struggle with self-esteem issues, in this scenario, you do. Which means, although it appears they're in a relationship with you, your partner is actually in a relationship with the constructed version of you that you've worked so hard to invent and maintain. Try as you might, in this state you will never reach the emotional equilibrium of a long-term, supportive relationship , even if it's not marred by infidelity. Because the core of every healthy relationship is honesty and compromise, and if you're so uncomfortable with your true self that you don't believe anyone could love you, you'll never be able to let your partner see it.

This is the toughest bit of love in this article, but it's still worth hearing. If you've got self-esteem issues, you're likely addicted to the affirmation your partner so liberally doled out early in your courting. And once your partner settles into what they think will be a happy relationship with you, they'll naturally dial down the effusive praise and glowing expressions of lust and affection. That's where the trouble starts. It's a vicious cycle that statistically happens to most couples in which one person has an unstable self-image.

The person needing validation amps up their sulking tactics, trying to wrench out the last little bit of complimentary praise their partner can muster, and this unattractive behavior only drives the partner further away. Once the person with self-esteem issues realizes this is happening, they often switch gears and employ the tactics we discussed in our earlier point about self-sabotage. There you have it: the worst case scenario for those of us who struggle with self-image. Don't fret too much, though; many of the studies cited in this article also found that an intervention with the partner who needs validation can actually work, but that person needs to be truly dedicated to the emotional work of getting their affairs in order.

This can look like individual talk therapy , research, or simply the implementation of a new hobby, job, or circle of friends. You'll find as you diversify the ways in which you get approval and affirmation, you'll be less tempted to rely solely on your partner.

And that can act as a pressure valve, leaving room between you and your partner to find an honest and healthy balance. Ready to learn how to fight inflammation and address autoimmune disease through the power of food? You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Log in Profile.

Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world. Explore Classes. Contributing writer By Emily Gaudette. Contributing writer. Emily Gaudette is a freelance writer and editor who has a literature and film studies degree from Bryn Mawr College.

Expert review by Nicole Beurkens, Ph. A unique combination of clinical psychologist, nutritionist, and special education teacher, Dr. Nicole Beurkens, Ph. Last updated on March 31, Share on:. You think you're doomed to fail, and you're trying to self-sabotage. Article continues below. You're probably not being honest about your desires and needs.

You're subconsciously telling dates how you want to be treated. It's impossible to create true intimacy without honesty. The symptoms of a need for approval are scientifically unattractive. The bottom line:. Emily Gaudette Contributing writer. She has covered entertainment, sexuality, and relationships for More On This Topic Sex.

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The Problem With Neediness (Or: The Anti-Sex Equation)

It has been months since we started talking. I miss the days when you kept asking where I was, if I got home safe, if I get enough rest. I yearn for the times you called me wanting to hear my voice, wanting to be part of my furiously busy day. Of course, at first, I was adamant at proving to my friends that you would soon stop. You kept on knocking on my heart to open its locked door for you until slowly, it did.

But because the strongest force in the universe is irony rather than gravity, it can seem that the harder you strive for finding that special someone, the more it slips away from you. And neediness is the antithesis of attraction. It is the magic formula to make relationships disappear and drive off potential life-partners.

Remember Me? Buzz Articles Advanced Search. Forum Relationships Relationship Advice Why do some women need constant reassurance when others do not? Results 1 to 5 of 5. Thread: Why do some women need constant reassurance when others do not?

I’m Sorry I’m In Need Of Constant Reassurance

Think about it: When you go a long time without talking to a friend, you almost feel compelled to reach out and validate your presence. So, you let him or her know, "Hey, I miss your face! Why not reassurance? Naturally, you might say, "I don't want to make anyone do anything he or she doesn't want to do," or "If the person can't do it without me asking, then the relationship isn't worth it. As much as we want the people in our lives to be selfless and overly thoughtful, they can't be all the time. We are selfish creatures, tending to our own personal needs most of the time. We now have to be considerate of another person's thoughts, emotions and well being. It isn't natural to do that; it actually takes self-discipline and effort. We certainly aren't mind readers, so if we do not effectively communicate our needs, how will he or she ever know how you are feeling?

The Girl Who Constantly Needs Reassurance

April 6th, by Nick Notas 6 Comments. The first few months of a connection are exhilarating. Most of the time, their partners are incredible. They have wonderful dates together and great sex. Then, out of the blue, that woman begins to act very differently.

She needs reassurance that I want to be with her because of her past experiences with men. She thinks that I'll get up one day and not want to be with her anymore.

No matter who you are, dating can be a rough ordeal. We all try our best to be the most attractive version of ourselves, glossing over our faults and unpleasant memories, stressing whatever traits we think will win us brownie points with the person across the table. But what if the feeling of wanting to get your date's approval never goes away? Yes, most people put on a bit of a facade as they're getting to know someone, but real intimacy starts to blossom when both people in an early relationship start letting each other in.

5 reassurances your girlfriend needs to hear regularly

Clinginess can manifest in a variety of ways, but it might include constantly asking for reassurance, needing to maintain contact all the time or leaning on you heavily to maintain their emotional wellbeing. Sometimes, it can literally mean clinging to a person — constantly requiring physical touch and affection. Clinginess can be a caused by a variety of things. Very often, it can be caused by low self-esteem or insecurity.

SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: What is Dependent Personality Disorder? Kati Morton

But the roots of attachment, whether secure or insecure — like anxious attachment or ambivalent attachment — stem from your developmental years in childhood and how you were cared or not cared for in your family. So if you perceive your partner as needy or overreacting, or you feel like your every action is under the microscope, it may have something to do with the way your partner was taught to respond to being hurt or upset. You may feel your partner is hyper-critical of you or your relationship, but it is likely that their behavior stems from an ambivalent attachment adaptation that developed long before you ever met. While attachment theory is not the only factor in how you develop relationships, it is part of how successfully you form intimate bonds with partners, friends, and even your children. For those with an ambivalent attachment, your developmental years were riddled with unpredictability or a reward-based love system that suggested you must do and behave in a certain way to gain the love of your parents or caregivers. In other cases, your parents rewarded children with love only sporadically, leaving you longing for the security of unconditional love.

I’m Sorry I’m In Need Of Constant Reassurance

This post may contain affiliate links. Read our disclosure page for full details. That was me just a few short years ago. Do you love me? How much?

May 20, - The need for constant reassurance (texts, calls, words of affection or approval). Insecurity about the relationship. Fear-based threats about.

People want to feel special not just at the beginning but for the entire duration of the relationship — a duration which is often hoped would be endless. So how exactly does one give assurance to his girlfriend or the woman in his life? Hold her face in your hands as you say so. Be close enough for the timbre of your voice to create gentle echoes in her heart and spread into every tiny bit of her consciousness.

Do I have to keep reassuring my girlfriend that I want to be with her?

Relationships take a lot of work, but when I found you — the one that opened my eyes, opened my heart, and opened a door to a whole new world full of possibilities without limitations; everything with you and this relationship seemed to just come naturally and everything fell right into place. But why do I still need that extra dose of reassurance? This type of reassurance doesn't mean I don't trust you, believe in you, or think things will forever be the same.

My partner is too clingy

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6 Things To Know About The Girl Who Needs Reassurance

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Comments: 3
  1. Akijar

    Yes, really. It was and with me. We can communicate on this theme.

  2. Meztigor

    I join. It was and with me. We can communicate on this theme. Here or in PM.

  3. Fehn

    Clearly, thanks for an explanation.

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